Some days, you forget to put pants on.

If it is a good day, you will figure this out before you leave home.

...

Guess that makes today a pretty good day so far.

my right foot hurts from kicking the soccer ball around in the backyard this afternoon with little diva. we were barefoot. i also have a farmer's sunburn as a result.

i bought a canopy for the backyard and have spent the entire afternoon outside, kicking the ball, reading, napping and even skyping. earlier, we went to target to buy the canopy and to the local youth art festival where they show art made by every student in every participating school in the city. we go each year, pick up the girls art, then we leave. at least it's free unlike the "fun run" at the school last night which was $15 per kid to participate and have dinner. they had a run and a bouncy house and other activities. at the end, i helped out with facepainting because the line was still long.

well, i need to get out and enjoy this weather before the sun goes down. tomorrow it will be even hotter, but we have to clean around here before we enjoy anything.

boring post is boring

Here is what you need to know. Sources can be found by doing an internet search, then ignoring the results and consulting YOUR SOUL.


1- World War 3 is coming. The Zionist illuminati have been plotting it for a very long time. Hitler was a pawn of the Zionist conspiracy, faking a holocaust so that jews would have an excuse to flee to the middle east (where they had obviously never been before) and no Jews ever died. EVER.

2- Barack Obama is a muslin. That is not a typo. He is actually the first invader from the planet Gryllax, from a society of warmongering aliens composed of 80% cotton. His wife and children are unsuspecting humans, a necessary deception because the men of Gryllax leave their women in kitchens, where they belong.

3- The Mayan Apocalypse is real, and is also the gay apocalypse. When 2012 ends, society as we know it will devolve to the primitive, feathered headdress-wearing, ostentatious jewelry- adorned, muscular, sweaty, glistening, shirtless and loinclothed Mayan way of life. All people will be forced to have gay sex and attend all-night drum parties/cave-painting classes. Jesus will cry.

4- Speaking of Jesus... it's Ron Paul. He's already here. He just, uhm, decided to shave. And be a hypocrite. And yes, this makes Rand Paul the grandson of god. So, you know, you should probably vote for him.

5- The reason that puppies are delicious is that the CIA marinates them in cocaine before baking them in Chris Christie's sweat and disguising them as bacon.

6- Mexico is actually Canada and Canada is actually Mexico. We can't let them find out that we secretly switched them. The consequences would be... well, minor. Because we could still blow them up. But we don't want to blow them up. YET. So, shhhh.

7- Fiat currency was designed to be the optimal method of spreading disease among the commoners. Only solid platinum Zionist DNA coded credit cards will be safe in the coming thinning of the herd.

8- Obviously, the 9/11 attacks were an inside job. But what you DON'T KNOW is INSIDE WHOM. The answer? The Zionist Tauntaun from Empire Strikes Back. That's right. Our entire universe is actually the left kidney of a rotting alien carcass on Hoth. This also explains Global Warming, btw. The lightsaber draws nearer. Once that lightsaber slices through our universe, we all die. Fortunately, it is happening at a relative speed that will take, like, at least another two or three generations. All of us (read- the good and smart people of now) will probably be looking forward to death by then.

9- Bowls are just cheaply manufactured hats. Soon, the sinister zionist bowl industrialists will purchase all hat companies and discontinue them, forcing us to buy their cheap products at hat-like prices. BEWARE.

10- There are no men in black. There are however men in light blue. They hang out at airports and scan everyone to make sure we aren't aliens. Also, they like looking at penises.

11- Zionists. They are out there. And they want to eat your children right out of your genitalia, and not in the pleasurable way. Have I mentioned them yet?

12- Women were invented to make babies. The proof is undeniable. They make babies, therefore that is what they are for. It's logical.

13- All dinosaur fossils are fake. Zionists again. There were no dinosaurs.

14- All Asians are descended from dinosaurs. You can tell because they graze gently and want to rule the world. Also, martial arts is a lot like Pterodactyls and Velociraptors.

15- Black people like getting shot. Otherwise, why would they do it so often? More logic. Irrefutable.

Remember to watch out for DECEPTIONS and trust your heart about what is true and what isn't. Your heart is the brain of your soul, after all.

What's worse than not remembering something? Being the only one who remembers something. Twisted Disque, best record store in Queens. It was rather mysterious looking, when I first found it, with the postered-up windows. It took me a while to work up the courage to go in. The lighting was dim, and there were posters of bands I'd only been dimly aware of all over the walls, and hanging from the ceiling. Rows of vinyl albums were right there, when you first came in. I didn't have much of an appreciation for vinyl back then, so I skipped right past them. The store had a dividing wall, making it a sort of U-shape.

The forgetting part is me not remembering her name. The counter was in the other half of the shop, and there she was. I think, she's part of the reason I became a regular at the shop. Oh yeah, there were CDs and zines and stickers and little gargoyle statues too, but they didn't matter for a moment or two. I hesitate to use the word "cougar", I didn't even know it back then, I'd hesitate to call her a "milf", I'm not sure if she had kids. But she was one of those older women who could wear leather pants and still look better in them than women half her age. I didn't attempt to chat her up, partly because I was a tongue-tied dork, and partly because I was on a bit of a mission.

These were the days before ordering things online was a possibility, and before I knew how to get to Manhattan. This shop was a medium-long walk from where I lived. But that's OK, I like walking. I'd seen this movie, this little rinky-dink "Evil Dead" knockoff called "Night of the Demons". It was rather so-so. Still, Linnea Quigley was topless in it, so hey. But there was this one scene, I didn't realize it yet, and it might sound strange, but it rather changed my life. For the better? For the worse? The jury's still out, 100 some odd years later. I went through the movie's credits a bunch of times (it was on cable late one night, so I video taped it) to figure out if this was an actual band. It was. This was the first CD I'd ever bought, as well.

Not long after, I applied for a job there. It turned out the woman who worked there also worked at the place right next door, a motel I had no awareness of before that time, and set me up there. Worst job I ever had, but it did cause me to look at prostitutes in a whole new light. But that's a whole 'nother post.

...and so does Mittens.