 | nucular_tomato |
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Sun Feb 5, 2012 3:14:36 pm
Incidentally, this guide can also apply to UFC and other MMA-type thingies with very little editing.
Step 1
American football used to be soccer. Well. Rugby, actually, but rugby kind of evolved from soccer (or the other way around, I'm not really sure). As we all know, Americans are Americans, and they decided to be pussies and start wearing all kinds of protective equipment. By the same token, jocks are jocks. The more gear you put them in, the harder they push themselves. More, better gear. Bigger, dumber players. A repeating cycle. Today, the modern American football player wears (essentially) armour that protects the parts of his body that it protects as well as or better than the armour worn by a medieval mercenary. American football puts more and more people on the field. They engage in tactics that are so reminiscent of medieval line battles that the differences are almost negligible.
Cut.
The.
Crap.
Give the players battleaxes and broadswords. Replace trash talk with battle cries. Call the quarterback an officer. I wanna see the wide receivers driving themselves into a blood frenzy as they prepare to cross the line of scrimmage. Get rid of the ball. Let the game be decided by who is left standing at the end. If the losing team isn't completely dead, have the officials poll the crowd in attendance to see if they should be spared. Give me blood, gore, guts, and veins in mah teeth.
Step 2
...?
Step 3
Profit.
Sun Feb 5, 2012 3:28:38 pm
During medieval battles the combatants were usually drunk, too. The officers and NCO's were in the back to stop them from running away. They would pass around grog just before battles and shovel them into the opposing sides. Just think of the possibilities for beer commercials if they did this now.
Sun Feb 5, 2012 3:31:54 pm
agrees with: comment#1
During medieval battles the combatants were usually drunk, too. The officers and NCO's were in the back to stop them from running away. They would pass around grog just before battles and shovel them into the opposing sides. Just think of the possibilities for beer commercials if they did this now.
Sun Feb 5, 2012 3:50:40 pm
If american football is a medieval line battle does that make Canadian football medieval roleplaying?
Sun Feb 5, 2012 3:56:59 pm
re: comment#4
If american football is a medieval line battle does that make Canadian football medieval roleplaying?
You'd give it that much credit?Sun Feb 5, 2012 3:59:37 pm
re: comment#5
You'd give it that much credit?
Based on what I've seen of the common medieval roleplayer, they wouldn't last too long in an actual medieval battle.
But they sure do try, and I am a fan of effort.
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:03:45 pm
As long as they volunteered to play this game and weren't forced to, I could be behind this.
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:04:07 pm
re: comment#6
Based on what I've seen of the common medieval roleplayer, they wouldn't last too long in an actual medieval battle.
But they sure do try, and I am a fan of effort.
Tify once posted a picture of some dude LARPing with a hello kitty shield and a Final Fantasy looking war axe that was clearly way too big for him, even taking into account that his ax was made of styrofoam. I imagine Canadian Football as that guy. Only scrawnier. My brother-in-law's younger sister once dated a Saskatchewan Rough Rider [that's me citing my sources BTW]. But they sure do try, and I am a fan of effort.
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:06:15 pm
re: comment#7
As long as they volunteered to play this game and weren't forced to, I could be behind this.
They can be made to think they're volunteering... 
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:10:56 pm
agrees with this post
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:12:29 pm
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:19:50 pm
Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:27:55 pm
re: comment#4
If american football is a medieval line battle does that make Canadian football medieval roleplaying?
♥Sun Feb 5, 2012 4:28:12 pm
re: comment#8
Tify once posted a picture of some dude LARPing with a hello kitty shield and a Final Fantasy looking war axe that was clearly way too big for him, even taking into account that his ax was made of styrofoam. I imagine Canadian Football as that guy. Only scrawnier. My brother-in-law's younger sister once dated a Saskatchewan Rough Rider [that's me citing my sources BTW].
hahahahaha!
Sun Feb 5, 2012 5:12:48 pm
1. You know too much about football already.
2. Even with blood, gore and guts - I still wouldn't watch it voluntarily.
Sun Feb 5, 2012 5:17:52 pm
None of you have caught the Alice's Restaurant reference. I am disappoint.
Sun Feb 5, 2012 5:18:14 pm
re: comment#18
1. You know too much about football already.
2. Even with blood, gore and guts - I still wouldn't watch it voluntarily.
Ex-cheerleader.2. Even with blood, gore and guts - I still wouldn't watch it voluntarily.
