TMI
Mon Feb 6, 2012 11:26:27 pm

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So my therapist is actually a PhD student. When I initially called to get help, they asked if I would be open to working with her and being audio recorded so that she could consult with an adviser. I was fine with it, because 1) as a student myself, I understand the need for practice and feedback, 2) my situation isn't so dire or complex that she could seriously fuck me up, and 3) it meant zero time on a waiting list. Anyway, so far, so good.

I guess this semester she got a new adviser, so she's going to be switching up my treatment. Again, I'm totally cool with that, because I'm pretty much willing to try anything to get better and I kind of felt like what we were doing before had plateaued helpfulness wise.

Anyway, today we started PMR. It actually worked better than I had expected, considering it was my first time. She even burnt me a little CD and an instruction list to use.

But the big thing she wants to try is exposure therapy. She offered me two choices: work up to it gradually, or just go full force on the first go. I chose the latter. So I'm supposed to start brainstorming some ideas over this next week for possible exposure scenarios.

For instance, one would involve calling a stranger on the phone, as I have major anxiety surrounding that. She also suggested that I could get my boyfriend involved. He could pick a random CTA stop for me to get off of and I would have to deal with the anxiety of uncertainty and not knowing where I was. Of course, I didn't tell her that I'm not actually afraid of that at all, but I love the idea that I can have fun with this and make it like a 'quest.'

Anyway, the main cause/manifestation of my anxiety is my health. Read: total fucking hypochondriac.

But I don't really know what I could do to "expose" myself to that.

I mean, I can't give myself HIV or expose myself to anesthesia. OK, I could, but you know what I mean.

The only medical related thing I can think of would be to give blood, since I am so afraid of needles, especially IVs. However, I feel like I've been exposed to that A LOT, and it has never gotten any better. So I don't see how it would make any difference.

So yeah, that's my day.