Snowman
Mon Aug 31, 2009 2:41:40 pm

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The cold came quickly and unexpectedly. I was too hot for a blanket when I went to bed last night, but I awoke at 4AM, because I was too cold to sleep. I had stopped checking the forecast several weeks ago. Every day was hot and I just expected more heat. I knew it had to end eventually, but I expected more of a warning, a gradual cooling.

Colder weather always makes me think of winter, Christmas, and snow; snow makes me think about snowmen and snowball fights. I have never made a snowman before. When I was young, I was not allowed to play in the snow. My mother thought it was dirty and she expected me to injure myself by slipping and falling onto an area not covered by snow. When heavy snow fell, I watched at my window as children played in the snow. I had no interest in playing with them, but I was curious about what they were doing and why they were enjoying it so much.

I don't recall when the idea of playing with snow began to develop a special significance for me. It has become a frequent component in the non-sexual fantasies that I have of women who I like a lot. I imagine that building a snowman with someone would be more intimate than sex. Somehow I never had the opportunity to build a snowman with a woman who I loved. My first girlfriend was extremely sensitive to cold weather and had a strong aversion to the idea of playing in the snow. When I date women in the wintertime who are not so averse to snow, I am usually the one who is responsible for the lack of snowplay. I prefer to not meet on days when there is a blizzard. It's too inconvenient to go out in such weather, and I probably also resist due to subconscious thoughts about the symbolic commitment that building a snowman would represent in my mind. By the next day, most of the snow has been either melted or shoveled into a mound of dense, dark, disgusting snow that is not conducive to play.