Snow means I don't have to work tonight because they closed the restaurant, but this also means I'm out $150 or so, a free meal, and a somewhat decent hourly wage. Kinda pissed. I like going to work. I bought Stephen King's new book, Under The Dome, so I should be busy reading this monster of a book.

I like that my house smells like cookies.

I have no idea what to get some people for Christmas. I wandered around a store today and almost bought my cousin a fucking sausage, but then I decided it was a bad idea. Now I'm not so sure. It would be better then nothing, which is what my mind is coming up with.

Today I am bartending for the first time in about five years. I've been having anxiety dreams where I can't find certain glassware, or the alcohol is missing and I'm expected to pay for it. It's only a friday morning shift from 11-5, but I'm still very nervous. I think once I get back into it, things will be fine... but it's like that first day of school in highschool. You know what to expect (sorta), but you're also a bit nervous.

This guy I was talking to is acting all jerky right now, and trying to hurt my feelings. It's not working out well on his part. I'm more amused then anything on his choice of insults. I've been nothing but super nice to the point where it's sickening in response, and it's driving him mad. Fighting with people is just so dumb, I can't do it anymore. Just smile, say OK to whatever insult they're throwing your way, and laugh. Tell them to have an awesome day, filled with happiness and kittens. Tell them how funny they are, how much you admire them, that they're the best cook in the whole wide world.

Refusing to fight with someone who wants to fight is fucking awesome, and I love it. I may be fueling the fire with my compliements, but then again, I'm not kicking when they're down. Just... throwing some fake love their way.

Well, I have lost you - Edna St. Vincent Millay

Well, I have lost you; and I lost you fairly;
In my own way, and with my full consent.
Say what you will, kings in a tumbrel rarely
Went to their deaths more proud than this one went.
Some nights of apprehension and hot weeping
I will confess; but that's permitted me;
Day dried my eyes; I was not one for keeping
Rubbed in a cage a wing that would be free.
If I had loved you less or played you slyly
I might have held you for a summer more,
But at the cost of words I value highly,
And no such summer as the one before.
Should I outlive this anguish—and men do—
I shall have only good to say of you.

I'm thinking about getting short bangs, but I'm fearful that whoever cuts my hair is going to screw it up, and leave me looking like an idiot. I've wanted short bangs for years now, and I've been to afraid to get them. I think tomorrow may be the day.